The Ghost in the Notifications

The Dilemma: "My ex’s mom still likes all my photos... and it’s weird. Am I being dramatic, or is this a boundary issue?"

The Abby Preview: You aren't being dramatic; you’re being prevented from moving on. It’s time to realize that "Brenda" is a bridge to a land you no longer inhabit.

The Response:

Oh, the "Ex-In-Law" haunting. It’s like a digital hug from a woman who used to feed you, but now it just feels like being watched by a very sweet, very misplaced private investigator.

First, the Gentle Therapist in me wants to acknowledge the grief here. When we break up with someone, we don’t just lose a partner; we lose an entire ecosystem of people we cared about. We lose the Sunday dinners, the inside jokes with siblings, and the woman who treated you like the daughter she actually liked. When "Brenda" likes your photo of a sunset or your new shoes, it’s her way of saying she still cares about you independent of her son’s inability to commit to a Friday night. It’s sweet, and it’s okay to feel a little sad that the relationship you had with her is a casualty of a war she didn't start.

But now, let’s talk to your brain. 

Every time Brenda’s name pops up in your notifications, a tiny emotional tether snaps you backward. You aren't looking at your own life; you’re looking at your life through the lens of his family. You wonder if she’s showing him the photo. You wonder if she’s "team you" in the breakup. You wonder if he knows she’s still lurking.

You aren't being "dramatic"—you’re being prevented from moving on. Even if her intentions are pure, the result is toxic to your healing. You cannot build a new house while you're still decorating the guest room of your old one. Brenda is a lovely person, but she is a representative of a life that is no longer yours. By keeping her in your digital front row, you are leaving a back door open for her son to wander through your mind whenever he wants.

The Abby Reality Check:

You don’t have to block her—we aren't monsters—but you do need to "Mute" her. And more importantly, you need to remove her from your followers.

You can love Brenda and still recognize that she is a bridge to a land you no longer inhabit. If she reaches out directly with a text, be kind, be brief, and then go back to your life. But allowing her to "double-tap" her way into your current reality is a boundary issue you are allowing to persist.

You aren't "cold" for wanting a clean break; you’re just making room for a future that doesn't involve her son's last name. Brenda had her time in your story. Give her a final, silent "thank you" for the memories, and then revoke her backstage pass. Your new life deserves an audience that isn't reporting back to the past.